Just Another Piece of Ass
It was a first time impromptu meeting, a date of sorts.
I was meeting someone in person that up until that point, I had only seen in a picture.
He arrived at the appointed location soon after I did and we went in to order a drink and to talk.
We were hitting it off nicely. Conversation was flowing and it was going really well.
“Want to see my dog?” he asked.
Having two of my own, of course I did!
So he pulls out his phone, wakes it up, and the immediate image that pops up on his screen isn’t a dog, it’s a beautifully detailed, close up shot of some woman’s vagina.
He is rightfully flustered and apologetic.
I, myself, am a little shocked, but I have three boys, and, wait!
Just one red hot minute!! What am I thinking?
I should be more than a little shocked!
I also have two daughters and here is some man I barely know, sitting across the table from me with some woman’s most intimate body part on his phone!
I should be mortified! Horrified! I should have walked out of that restaurant in pure disgust!
But sadly, I am not that horrified or shocked and I didn’t leave.
You see, I am guilty. I am guilty of sending a man that I really didn’t know intimate images of myself.
I look at that person now, and I am saddened. I know what she was seeking in the sending of those images, but what she got in return was nothing of any value, and that includes the man she sent them too.
Sending nude pics may have lured the man in, but it didn’t keep him, because there is always another woman, just down the line doing the same thing.
Just another piece of a**.
A lot has been written on the subject of self worth, both the importance of it and the obvious lack that many people have of it, but to see it in action feels very solid and very heavy.
How can we, as women, overcome this addiction that we have to this sense of low self esteem that leads us down dark alleys and allows us to compromise our bodies and our souls and to self sacrifice and give away ourselves?
Yes, it’s an addiction, because when we allow ourselves to send those pictures hoping only for a bit of appreciation and acceptance, we have a moment of reprise, of ease, of, ‘I am ok’, ‘I am wanted’, ‘someone sees me.’
It is that moment that we seek, no different than the addict, looking for release from the pain and suffering deep inside.
Isn’t that what we all want? To be seen, to be heard, to be touched, to be loved?
The next time you feel like you need to send a picture to some man you barely know with the hope that he will respond with affirming words and desire, take the time to ask yourself-
What am I getting out of this? How does this benefit me?
I am betting that it will leave you scratching your head in bewilderment.
What are you getting out of sending that picture? Do you really think a picture of your vagina is going to secure your future? Guarantee acceptance? Ward of loneliness?
What do you really want in your life?
If you actually snag the man who loved your picture, somewhere at the back of your mind, deep in your heart, you must know there is always another woman and there will always be the threat of another woman on his phone- just like you were.
There’s always another piece of a** and you will never find the comfort and security that you desire.
It is time that we break this cycle.
We, as women, must expect more from ourselves. We must rise above the sexualization of being “just another piece of ass,” and of allowing ourselves to be objectified and sexualized, a mere body part without feelings or emotions or thoughts, wants, needs and desires.
We must be able to find our worth inside ourselves first. When we do, it will be reflected back to us in the eyes of our children, our parents, our lovers, our friends.
We must define what we want and then keep those standards and expectations high. Those who are worthy of us will rise to our level, those who are not, will fall away.
If we rise collectively, all women will rise with us and we can begin to radically change the current paradigm of denigration that comes not from society, but from deep within every woman.
It is time.
Let us rise together.
Andrea Arena James Author of Happily Ever Over: Breaking Up, Breaking Thorough, Breaking Free